Book Review: Love Me

“Startled, I accidentally knock over my inkwell. A black tsunami of ink sprawls out across the page, engulfing the tiny village of my words. They are swept away into the midnight sea. Gone forever. I am bereft.”

Love Me by Danger Slater

Do you ever get one of those books you really wanted to read, but instead of reading it you set it aside and will get to it in a week or so? That happened to me last year. I received a free copy of Love Me by Danger Slater. So almost a year later, I read the book and wonder why I didn’t read it last year.

Our unnamed protagonist lives high up a mountain in a castle made of skulls and he is lonely. So lonely that he cries toxic tears that run down the mountain into a toxic tear reservoir that kills any animal that drinks there. In my mind I hear George Thorogood going through my mind: I got a brand new chimney made on top/ Made out of a human skull… Tell me who do you love.

It is unclear who exactly the main character is: A god, he certainly does have some powers, deluded, or just plain strange. He converses with the moon, the Big Bang (or “bebe” as he likes to be called), and Jehovah’s Witnesses. He invents the pie stand. He preaches.

“Can religion make me less ugly?” a woman yells out. “Most definitely,” I say. “Just ask God to strike everyone blind.”

On Jesus, “He enjoyed poetry. He was an amateur horticulturist. He appeared on Dancing with the Stars. He won the World Series of Poker”. When he came back from death ““All the Romans were like, No F*cking way!” And Jesus was all like, “F*cking way, bro,” ”

Our man seeks out Jesus and finds Hey-Zoos, a Mexican baker.

This book does to weirdness what Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy did to science fiction. Our guy does his best and beyond to find happiness. He does this in his Authentic Traditional Viking Outfit ordered from eBay and salve made from blue green algae. This one man’s search for happiness is a complete romp, sometimes offensive, brilliant, witty, and smart-assed. You don’t need a degree from the University of Phoenix to like this book, but if you don’t like it you are probably an “omnidouche.” This book was a load of fun. The most fun I had reading in a long time.

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